#tlttbn chapter eleven

[nalgenewhore]

Too Late To Turn Back Now - Eleven

masterlist - ao3 - last chapter - epilogue

+*+*+*+*+*+*

The sun was still brightly shining outside and Lorcan half-wondered how it could when he was broken and hurting, his world crumbling around him. 

He drove the boat back on autopilot, hardly paying attention as he travelled across the blue waves, the ocean spray making his hair damp and his suit too, but he didn’t care. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a rumpled blanket sitting on the bench.

The sight of it was enough to make his heart break in half – again – as he shut off the boat and dropped onto the cushion beside it, picking it up and holding it to his chest. He had meant what he said. He would always find her. Always. 

But that wasn’t she wanted and no matter how badly it hurt him, he would respect her wishes. She deserved to be free, whether that was with him or not. She deserved happiness, even if he wasn't the one to give it to her. 

Throat tight, he sat there, unable to stop feeling like he was drowning. It hurt to breathe, the memory of them a sharp knife in his side that grated against his ribs with every panicked breath.

Slowly, he folded the heavy blanket and stuffed it into the cabinet, latching the door shut. Lorcan loosened his tie and dumped his suit jacket on the bench before he moved back to the driver’s seat and started the boat again, numb as he drove home.

He docked the boat an undetermined amount of time later. Guests were milling and buzzing about, gossiping as he parked the boat and stalked up the jetty, ignoring everyone and everything.

He saw Aelin first and when he shook his head, her face fell and she wrapped her arms around him. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” he whispered, his words strangled. “I’m gonna go… do something.”

Aelin stepped back and nodded, “Ok. I’ll be here if you need me.”

With a slight nod, Lorcan was off, not meeting anyone’s curious stares as he strode through the house and slammed the bedroom door behind him. It had been forty-five minutes since Elide left and he had never missed anyone the way he missed her.

Someone had moved the dress and the letters off the bed and he practically tore his clothes from his body, throwing himself down on the mattress and wrapping his arms around a pillow. It smelled like her honey-suckle shampoo and Lorcan gritted his teeth as he flung it to the other side of the room.

Deciding he couldn’t stand to be surrounded by her presence, even after she’d gone, Lorcan busied himself by cleaning the room, methodically cleaning the space. Even if he could never forget her, he could rid his home of her.

As he worked, he tried not to think about how his heart was going across the world and he’d never see it again.

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Elide sat down in her seat and clipped her seatbelt on, ready to leave. She’d been the first on, meaning everyone had seen how she’d left Lorcan like that. 

Her seatmate sat down and glanced at her quizzically, wondering why she hadn’t stayed.

If she were being honest, she didn’t know either. Well, she did know. Lorcan wouldn’t have been happy with her forever and she didn’t deserve him. He was good and kind and he cared about others. Elide did not and hadn’t for a while.

It was almost humorous, she supposed. Two people, who had been hurt from a very young age, their lives nearly identical, but while one had used that as fuel to be selflessly loving to the people that mattered the most to him, the other held on to the feeling of cold detachment, never trusting anyone ever again.

Elide tried to be happy. She had missed Terrasen all these years. There had been too many times to count when she had wanted to pack up her life and ship it back over to her home, but without the financial stability she had now, Vernon would have sought her out and reeled her back in with his vicious words. And honestly, she hadn’t wanted to go back. Every time she thought about doing so, a voice at her shoulder would tell her to stay and so she did. 

In need of distraction, she searched into her pocket, looking for what, she didn’t know. She felt something smooth and cool, pulling it out to find the piece of sea glass she’d found that night. It was black, and she’d chosen it because it looked like Lorcan’s eyes. She pulled out her phone next, fumbling as the screen lit up to a picture of her and Lorcan, walking together on the sidewalk. She was holding onto his elbow and hand, wearing his fleece and looking up at him with an adoring look. He was returning the gaze fondly, his posture relaxed for once. 

“You two look beautiful together,” the older woman sitting next to her said. “It’s probably none of my business, but I hope that you two know that, if you love each other, things should come easy. Before you tell me to mind my own self, just ask yourself: how does it feel to be away from him?” 

Like she was being torn apart. 

Without really thinking, Elide unlocked her phone and tapped out his number, knowing he wouldn’t pick up and still hoping he would. She got his voice mail and just hearing him talk had her wanting to cry again.

Her heart was in her throat as she waited for the beep and it took a few tries for her to speak. “Hi. It’s me. I just- I’m on the plane and I want to cry. I miss you. I don’t know why I’m here, I shouldn’t be here.” Elide swallowed back her tears, looking up as if it would stop them from forming in her eyes. “I thought I was going home but I’m not ‘cause you’re my home. Wherever you are, that’s where I should be. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t-“ she breathed in sharply, feeling like someone had punched her in the chest, knocking the air from her lungs. “I need to get off this plane.”

Quickly, she shot up, hastily grabbing her bag as the flight attendant pulled the door shut. Elide sped around passengers that were still putting their carry-ons, apologies spilling from her lips. “Miss-“

“I need to get off the plane.”

The flight attendant sighed, “Miss, I’m going to have to ask you to take your seat. The plane will be leaving soon.”

“No, you- you don’t understand! I need to get off this plane, I can’t leave—”

“Ma’am. I’m sorry, but I cannot let you off this plane. Now, if you would just—”

“Please. Please, I am begging you, just let me off the plane. I have to get off this plane.” Elide felt her eyes sting with tears and the woman pursed her lips, glancing between the cockpit, the door, and Elide. She tried again, her voice cracking. “Please.”

“Let her off the plane!” Elide turned at the voice, seeing her seatmate standing up, her fist waving in the air. “Come on, just let her off the plane! Have a heart, miss." 

Slowly, the other passengers took up her cry, pleading with the flight attendant. Elide bit her lip to stop from outright crying then and there. “Please. I love him.” 

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

No one had seen Lorcan since he’d returned and the boys had had enough.

They’d found out that the door was locked and he wouldn’t open it – that they knew, so they did what any reasonable people would do. 

They scaled the side of the house up to the balcony.

Crashing through the French doors, they found Lorcan in the shower. “Ayy, Lorcan!” 

He looked over his shoulder and shouted, “Do you fucking mind? Get the fuck out!”

Rowan and Connall nodded and turned, but Fenrys and Vaughan were unperturbed. “We don’t want you to be lonely! Are you sure you’re—”

“If you do not get the fuck out right now, I will kill you. I will literally murder you dead and chop up your bodies with the ax and feed you to the fucking orcas! Get out!”

Both wearing shit-eating grins, they left. He had a lump in his throat and no matter how many times he coughed or swallowed, it didn’t go away.

A few minutes later, Lorcan stalked out of the bathroom, his hair piled up in a messy bun to keep from getting wet. One of the boys, probably Connall, had put new sheets on the bed and they were all piled in it, looking up at him with excited expressions. “Dude. They have Space Jam.”

Lorcan rolled his eyes and huffed a laugh at the sight of all four of them in a bed that was far too small for hulking men. He got dressed, wearing a pair of sweats and a hoodie, the hood flipped over his head, and shoved Vaughan to the side so he could be in the middle, between his cousin and Rowan.

Rowan opened his arms and Lorcan let his best friend hug him close, Rowan’s chin resting on top of Lorcan’s head. Lorcan leaned the side of his head above Rowan’s heart, slinging an arm across his waist. Someone pulled him up into a seated position - Vaughan, who gently took his hair down and began to braid it as Fenrys used the remote control to choose Space Jam.

As the opening credits began, his eyes welled up and he did nothing to stop the tears from spilling down his cheeks. “I love her.”

Rowan sat up and let Lorcan lean on him. He kissed the top of Lorcan’s head, rubbing his back, “I know, L.”

“It wasn’t… just what happened. We were more than that,” he whispered, closing his eyes and still the tears slipped past his thick lashes. He had to believe that they were more than that.

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

The girls had been sent away, out of the house, their protests gone unheard over their mother’s commands.

Odette roped in Nehemia and Aelin to help her in making food, not that either of them needed much convincing. In times like these, it was hard for the two women to sit still, the very being in their bones urging them to help in whichever capacity.

Nehemia and Odette spent the late morning making food, while Aelin was in charge of whatever boozy drinks she could make, having been banned from the kitchen ages ago. She sipped from a glass, the drink burning the back of her throat and calling tears to her eyes, “Whoo, that’s got some kickback, dang! It’ll do.”

Wiping her hands on a kitchen towel, Nehemia wandered over, a scrutinizing look on her ethereal face. “Are you sure?” Aelin just rolled her eyes and took Nehemia’s towel, giving her her own glass. She looked at it warily and sipped, coughing and nodding, her voice strained, “Yeah, this’ll do, gods-damn, Aelin.”

Odette laughed from where she was stirring a large pot of wohanpi, a bison stew Lorcan had always claimed had healing powers. All anyone knew about it was he made it once a year in a huge batch and froze containers of it. A lucky few would receive a portion when ill or fighting a raging hangover. Aelin, being his best friend, always had a guaranteed portion as well as Nehemia. The boys could fend for themselves. “Which of you is up to go wrangle the boys?” They had all watched as Rowan, Vaughan, Fenrys, and Connall scaled up to the balcony.

Aelin rose her hand, holding up a finger as she drained her glass, “I’ll do it.”

They nodded and waved her down the hall and off she went.

Having the decency to knock before entering, Aelin waited until someone called ‘come in’ to walk in, smiling widely at the sight she saw.

All of them, piled onto the bed and cuddling while watching what they considered to be the peak of cinematic history. It was cute and she thought about teasing them, just a tad, until she saw the tear tracks on Lorcan’s face and the redness of his eyes behind those round glasses of his. “I got booze and bison stew!”

“Did you make the stew,” Lorcan muttered, snuggled in between Vaughan and Rowan. Fenrys, probably having decided that he wasn’t being given his due attention, was sprawled on top of them and somehow managed to make it look comfortable. “If so, I don’t want it.”

“Hahaha, you’re so funny! Did you come up with that all by yourself? No, of course I didn’t – Mama Salvaterre did that and Mia made bread, I think. Or was it cookies, I can’t quite remember, but she was baking. C’mon! Get out of bed,” she whined, stamping her feet on the floor like a petulant child until they all slowly climbed out, wearing an unintentional uniform of hoodies and sweats. Aelin being Aelin, commented as they filed out, somber and silent. “Wow, matching, how cute.”

Lorcan snapped his teeth at her and flipped her off as he sat down heavily at the island bar, smiling slightly when Nehemia pushed a filled bowl and spoon towards him.

The rest of the boys served themselves and were silent as they ate, shoveling the food into their mouths and down their throats. Nehemia half wondered how they hadn’t choked yet.

When their bellies were full, Aelin gave them glasses and the pitcher of her concoction, sending them out onto the porch. They all protested, of course, and said they would clean up like the good mama’s boys they all were (though they were loath to admit it) but Odette would have none of it.

It was a good thing that the sink was situated so that one could look out over the yard and therefore patio while they washed up. Aelin had suds up to her elbows as she half cleaned, half spied on the boys, little snippets of their conversation floating through an open window.

Lorcan was talking about Elide and how he didn’t want his brothers to hate her. They were all quick to assure him they didn’t, but Aelin knew better. There would be a grudge held for a while.

Eventually, Fenrys and Vaughan got antsy and went off to box on the grass. Aneha and Sadirah watched from the garden, egging them on, the little troublemakers. Rowan and Connall finally went down to break it up before either of them took it too far, as they were prone to do, but just ended up getting drawn in.

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Lorcan was watching his brothers fight but wasn’t processing a thing. He stood up and walked down to the yard, passing everyone to sit by the jetty, watching the sun set. Lorcan dug out his phone from his pocket, not exactly sure what for.

The screen was lit up with one missed call and he opened his phone to see who it was. He choked, nearly sending the drink in his hand flying when he saw that it was from Elide and she’d left a voicemail.

Hands shaking, he put his drink down and pressed on his voicemail, hardly breathing as it rang and the automated voice recited: “You have one new message. To hear your messages, press one-“

Lorcan pressed one and leaned his elbow on his knee, biting his thumbnail as her voice filled his ear. “Hi. It’s me.” She sounded like she was crying. “I just- I’m on the plane and I want to cry. I miss you. I don’t know why I’m here, I shouldn’t be here. I thought I was going home but I’m not ‘cause you’re my home. Wherever you are, that’s where I should be. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t-“ she breathed in sharply, interrupting herself, “I need to get off this plane.”

His eyes widened and his knee stopped bouncing as he heard a rustling sound and Elide murmuring quick apologies to the people she pushed past. There came a second voice that sounded like it was further away. “Miss—”

“I need to get off the plane.”

Lorcan swallowed hard, almost thinking this was a dream. The flight attendant spoke again, sounding slightly exasperated, “Miss, I’m going to have to ask you to take your seat. The plane will be leaving soon.”

“Let her off the plane,” he breathed, standing up and pacing back and forth. He ran his hand through his damp hair, his heart slamming against his ribs.

“No, you- you don’t understand! I need to get off this plane, I can’t leave—”

The message ended and he froze, “No, no, no, fuck!”

He hung up before the automated message could play and almost threw his phone into the ocean. He didn’t know what to do and so he hastily typed out Elide’s number, messing up more than a few times and hitting the wrong number.

When he finally got the right number, his call was sent straight to voicemail and Lorcan swore again, unaware that the play boxing had stopped and they were all watching him with confusion on their faces. “Princess, please, just tell me if you got off the plane, ok? I need you to call me back and tell me if you got off the plane—”

“I got off the plane.”

He froze, his phone falling to the grass beneath his feet. Lorcan didn’t dare turn around, afraid it would just be a figment of his imagination and she'd slip through his fingers again. When Vaughan nodded once, just barely a dip of his chin, Lorcan’s breath escaped him in a rushed exhale and he turned, not making any other move towards her as the same water taxi drove off, leaving Elide and her bag on the dock. “You got off the plane?”

Elide nodded, biting her bottom lip as tears streamed down her face, “I got off the plane.”

He rasped a laugh, the sound watery and tearful as he took one step towards her and Elide flew towards him, her arms stretched out and reaching for him.

Lorcan rocked back a step as she launched herself into his arms, her legs wrapping around his waist. Her hands slid into his hair and his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her body closer and closer still. He could feel Elide’s tears drip onto the skin of his neck and her body shook as she cried. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I left. Of course I love you. I love you.”

Pulling back, Elide tracked her eyes over his face, crying anew at the tears on his cheeks, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Lorcan moved a hand to cup her jaw and kissed away her tears which only made her cry harder.

“I love you,” he murmured, stroking his thumb over her cheek. “I love you.” Elide laughed, the sound choked, and hugged him tighter, looking down at him from her elevated position as he hoisted her up higher and banded his arms under her thighs. “Did you mean it?” he asked, his eyes searching hers. “What you said in the voicemail.”

Elide smiled, almost shyly, through the tears that fell steadily and nodded. “Every word. I don’t want to leave you again. I’m home with you. Wherever you are, I’m there.” 

He didn’t want to waste anymore time and closed the gap between them, kissing her softly, uncertainly. After a second, he drew back, looking up at her as she kissed him again, sure of herself as her hands moved to cup his face. “I love you.”

“Say it again,” he whispered, chasing the feeling of those words against his lips. “Tell me again. Until I am tired of it.”

“I love you,” she said, pulling away. Her nose was tucked against his, their lips still brushing together as she said it. She kissed his cheek, “I love you.” Another kiss pressed to his other cheek, “I love you.” Elide kissed his brow, “I love you.” She kissed the tip of his nose, “I love you.” And then, finally, her lips pressed against his, soft and sure as her words, “I love you.” Her lips moved against his, her hands slipping back into his hair, “Are you tired of it yet?” 

“No.” 

“When will you tire of it?”

“Never.”

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Twilight was upon them and Lorcan guided Elide through the dew-kissed grass, her hand fitting flawlessly, like the final piece of a puzzle, in his.

After dinner, a slightly strained ordeal on the boys’ parts until Odette cut them a glare that had them near pissing themselves when it then passed smoothly, Elide and Lorcan had slipped off silently, having only eyes for each other as they strolled peacefully, their joined hands swinging between them.

Rowan and Fenrys had scowled after the retreating figures, an indignant fury directed towards the petite woman. Odette had seen this and pulled them to the side, chastising them for not recognizing their friend’s happiness over their own pigheaded, male need to hold grudges on behalf of a man who wanted not their anger.

In the present, Elide tugged on Lorcan’s hand until he turned back, gazing at her as she was bathed in the bright moon’s silver light. “I want to dance,” she whispered, delighted as he swept her into a sweet dance, slow and even over the glowing grass.

They danced under the twinkling stars and full moon, to the music only they knew - something that played only in their heads. 

When her feet grew sore and her eyes drooped, Lorcan scooped her up and held her close to him, pressing his lips to her forehead as she made a happy noise in the back of her throat and hummed sleepily. She toyed with his necklace, sliding her fingers up and down the chain.

Elide was out by the time he closed the door to their room and put her down, smiling as she clung to his hoodie and whined, her brow wrinkling.

She settled once he laid down beside her and let her move however she wanted, not satisfied until she was straddling his waist and snuggled against his chest.

Elide sat upright suddenly, her hands braced against his chest. Lorcan sat up, cupping her cheek, “What is it?”

“Kiss me.”

He did so with no hesitation, kissing her slowly, thoroughly. She sighed and melted into it, moaning when he licked into her mouth and their tongues tangled together.

Chests rising and falling erratically, Lorcan pulled away, only slightly, his lips brushing against hers as he asked, “What was that for?” She didn’t open her eyes, her fingers lingering on his cheeks. 

“Is this a dream? If I open my eyes, will you be gone?”

He smiled and waited until her eyes slowly cracked open for him to say, “You are my dream.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

an: i told y’all it would be fine 

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